Last night, I actually printed those adorable little forms that are currently sitting on the buffet table. That was the designated NYE activity in the land of excitement known as Our Home. I saw the form posted on Facebook a couple of days ago, maybe more. Being a naturally nostalgic person prone to fits of simultaneous joy and melancholy over this kind of thing, it had my full attention. “Oh, we have to DO THIS!”, I exclaimed excitedly in my head when I saw it. “We can do them EVERY YEAR!!!”, I chirped with enthusiasm.
You may have noticed that we didn’t do them.
I’ve been writing a post in my head for several days to end 2015 with. After I finally closed both bedroom doors upstairs and shuffled toward my next duty (dishes…so many dishes), I saw the bright white forms sitting untouched on the buffet table and it hit me. That is the perfect way to summarize 2015.
Sometimes the best laid plans go awry. It doesn’t matter at all. Be happy, anyway.
This year has been a huge jumble of ups and downs…said every single person ever. The days of this life all run together and years simply pile up. With the exception of the ones that include major life events or tragedies, they just bleed into each other, one after the other. Rather than years, time seems to lump together into periods. I’m deeply buried in the “young children” era right now and all I can seem to do is concentrate on the here and now. I am FOREVER making plans like the sweet form that remains untouched tonight. I don’t need New Year’s Resolutions. I need resolutions for tomorrow. Usually they consist of me asking my phone to remind me to do the thing that needs doing tomorrow at 8am. And then watching the banner pop up all day as I say, “I AM TOTALLY GOING TO GET TO THAT NEXT!” Until it’s 8PM and I’m not sure how we got here and oh, well…TOMORROW IS THE DAY!
I started this blog in 2015 to share the story of our lives with a child suffering from a severe pediatric anxiety disorder. I heard from so. many. people. who were excited to have someone talk about what we are all going through. “It’s going to be AMAZING and LIFE CHANGING for ALL THE PEOPLE!!! This is my CALLING!”, I crowed to the husband as I rolled out my big plans. And then life happened…job changes that led to schedule changes that led to me running out of time. I felt so guilty as I raced to complete everything that I needed to at night, while the clock kept ticking later and later. “I’ll write tomorrow!”, I assured myself every single day. Yet, there has been no writing.
I started working out religiously over the summer – at a gym very close to my house that I LOVE SO MUCH – but I had to stop going after the huge change in my husband’s schedule this fall. I just happen to have a big kid who can’t handle the decibel level of the gym and a toddler who can’t handle seeing mommy going into class while he stays in childcare. “I’ll go twice a week when he’s at preschool!”, I assured myself. But after I do all the things that need to be accomplished for our family…those short hours are gone. I have to prioritize the elusive time without a little one around, and it doesn’t often leave room for “me” time.
I have a beautiful friend who wrote me the longest letter that I haven’t responded to days and days and days later…because I need to sit down at a keyboard and type, uninterrupted – and I can’t seem to do it. There is no time that is uninterrupted.
However, I refuse to see this as a failure, and you shouldn’t either…because I know you have your own list of epic fails. Here’s the thing…epic fails result from epic plans. And we make these plans because we are TRYING SO HARD. And that’s pretty damn awesome of us. We want to be super mom. We have great visions. We think the 2015 printable for our kids to fill out will be a fabulous memory. So we add it to the list. It didn’t get done, but we tried. And we missed it because the short one wanted to play Hot Wheels Super Track Ninja Dinosaur for three hours and the tall one wanted to have light saber fights at the park with his best friend. And that’s a fabulous memory, too. Granted, they won’t remember the details of today, but they would have remembered if their mother barked angrily for them to stop playing and COME FILL OUT THIS CUTE FORM FOR ME TO REMEMBER YOU BY, DAMNIT!”
I’m absolutely going to write this blog. More than once every three months, I swear. I’m working on it. I’m still paying my monthly dues at the gym because I will figure it out, sooner or later. I’m going to return those emails and be a better friend and make that 4th of July wreath from last summer that I bought all the stuff for. I have no idea WHICH 4th of July it will be ready for, but that’s neither here nor there. Right now, mamas with the littles, we will get through tomorrow. And we will go with the flow and let life happen and not worry about the printables that don’t get filled out. I’m 99.9% sure the dinosaur ninja skills that I’m currently honing will make up for lost Pinterest ideas. I’m kind of a big deal.
Happy New Year, friends!!!